Yeaaaah I kinda had that problem with Stencyl too. For me, reinstalling usually fixed stuff like that, but I moved onto greener pastures with Construct 2 and haven’t really looked back for 2D stuff (outside of Unity). Construct is pretty baller.
But if you want, PixelProspector has probably the best hub of resources for this stuff out there. Maybe give it a look and see if anything strikes your fancy? http://www.pixelprospector.com/game-development
I got it done at Pure Body Arts in NYC by a dude named Brian Decker. Did a great job of it. They offered me two sizes, large and small, and I went with large just to be a bad bitch about it.
Advice? I’d say that even though it’ll hurt like hell, know that it’ll be really really temporary. Your finger goes numb in reaction to it pretty quickly, mercifully. I’d also caution against getting it done if you don’t have health insurance on the off chance that something happens.
Also, make sure you ice the living crap out of it for the day after you get it done. It’s gonna swell up real bad and sting like hell, but the ice really really will help. Since it’s on your hand, it’s really important to avoid touching stuff and keep it clean, since our hands tend to be the filthiest things on our bodies.
Typing is gonna suck for like a week, but you get used to not using the finger it’s implanted in really quickly and by the time you adapt fully to that it’ll have healed anyway.
Don’t worry if you don’t feel magnetic waves for like 2 weeks after. This is normal. A good way to check if you can feel them or not is to go turn on a microwave and try and see if you can feel the field around it - microwaves tend to be the most common household object that put out the most easily felt fields in my experience.
If you need to do something like lift weights or play guitar after the magnet has healed, but it keeps sticking to things in annoying ways, putting a normal bandaid around the tip of your finger should take care of that.
That’s all I can think of for now!
So here’s what I’ve learned from the last two months of getting hacked and helping friends who have gotten hacked. It’s a work in progress cause I am currently mad as hell so I will be adding to it as time goes on, but since another woman got doxxed tonight I figured it’s a start.
Don’t give yourself a hard time for feeling a certain way. It’s a messed up position you’ve been put in and there’s no “right” way to feel. You’re not failing if it bothers you, you’re not failing if you’re angry, you are not failing for not being “tough enough”. A lot of emotions come with these situations, and you’re totally allowed.
Document everything. I can’t say this enough. If you set up a dropbox screenshots folder, you can have a screencap automatically saved with the press of the printscreen button. For stuff longer than a screencap, use http://archive.today/ in case of deletion. It’s better to have it and not need it than not have it and need it. If you end up needing to take it to the authorities, they’re gonna wanna see this stuff, and the more you have the better. You might not know what the situation will evolve into, so be vigilant in your documentation. If it stresses you out or gets to be too much, ask a friend or loved one to help you. Similarly, if you see this happening to another person, maybe screencap it just in case. If you go to the police, they’ll want this stuff, and want it printed. It’s good to have more than less.
Don’t suffer alone. Make sure you reach out, and again, don’t judge yourself. It’s not weak to want or need help or to vent. There are so many women in the industry who understand what you’re going through and would be happy to help however they can. If you have someone in person that can look after you, all the better. They’ll remind you that what is happening to you is wrong, they will help make sure you’re taken care of, and it’s a huge huge asset.
Spend the $10 to hide your whois info off of your websites ahead of time if you can. This is a very common tactic.
Pre-emptively remove yourself from Spokeo: http://www.sileo.com/spokeo-scary-bad-how-to-opt-out/. Spokeo is a service that a lot of doxxers use, and even if you’ve already been doxxed you might still want to do this.
Most cell phone providers will allow you to change your number on their website.
Make your FB private. They will likely be trying to dig up whatever they can on you, real or imagined, and there’s no reason to leave stuff out there when you’re being creepily obsessed over. Make sure old posts get limited too - go to settings > privacy > limit past posts to do this.
Give other people affected a heads up & make sure they don’t give out more info. For example, in my case they spammed my former employers dating back all the way to when I was a teenager, trying to dig up more info on me. I know it can suck to have to try and explain this stuff to people, but it can keep more information from leaking out. Similarly, try to make sure people don’t freak out, and that they shouldn’t engage with these people or do anything other than hang up.
Change your security questions to something that isn’t related to your personal life. Come up with phrases that you use in place of your mother’s maiden name or your childhood best friend so someone who has your personal information can’t get into any of your accounts using these methods.
Crash with a friend if you can, in the thick of it. It’s a huge load off the mind to know that you’re safe and can handle dealing with this stuff without having to worry about someone knocking on your door. A thing a lot of people don’t understand till they’ve been there is the paranoia that comes with being doxxed for a lot of people, so make sure you’re doing things that will make you feel safer. Don’t worry about seeming like you’re overreacting, either - taking care of yourself is paramount.
Preemptively lock everything down: http://segonmedia.com/2014/08/21/the-quick-indie-guide-to-protecting-your-accounts/ Enable 2-step on everything, use a progam like 1 password or keepass to generate strong passwords, unique for every site, and store them in one location. Consider making a separate email account that you ONLY use for password recovery requests, and not revealing the account name to anyone, so in case everything gets hacked you have one clean email to send passwords to.
General stuff for any site:
If you can still login, change your password then change your recovery email.
Revoke any third party app permissions. Third party app permissions will let things be posted to your account regardless of password. This is how they were able to post stuff from my Tumblr to my Twitter when my Tumblr got hacked - it had a function that automatically blogged anything I posted on my Tumblr to my Twitter.
If you can’t login, fill out a password reset request.
If that doesn’t work, there’s usually another protocol in place per service.
Try and remember if there’s any places you have accounts for that you might have forgotten. For example, they got into a dominos.com account I had made and forgot about to try and send someone a pizza. It can be especially damaging if that account is automatically set up to charge any of your accounts.
Make sure they didn’t set a 3rd party email to post thing up
Gmail: I honestly have no idea here so preemptively lock down I guess. It will also let you see at the bottom of the page if anyone is logged into your acct from a different location and let you remotely terminate it, so keep an eye on that too.
Skype has been the most commonly hacked thing throughout gamergate. Their live chat is decent and works. Their live chat is here: https://support.skype.com/en/faq/FA10656/what-is-live-chat-support
Here’s hoping you’ll ever need this.
hang onto yer butts I’m about to get pretentious as hell. I can feel my black plastic glasses getting thicker and in anticipation.
Depression Quest is about it’s system - the system of removal of player choice, of trying to emulate the downward spiral of depression and doing things like making it so if you’re on meds, instead of taking like a -2 hit to essentially what is your HP, you take a -1 because that was our experiences with meds - they help, but they don’t cure. It was designed around trying to use a system/mechanic to relate our experiences with how the illness had impacted us - essentially say “hey, depression means playing by different rules, and here they are, try them on and maybe start thinking about this stuff”. Primarily because depression is hard to communicate, and just /telling/ someone what it is like leaves a lot of stuff out. Asking them to suspend their disbelief and try out someone else’s ruleset for a while seemed like a different way to try and express that experience. Everything else in the game was designed around reinforcing that, without adding anything that didn’t actively reinforce that.
In my opinion, that’s a game, but my personal definition is essentially “a thing with systems that is a back and forth of some sort between the designer and the player” but holy heck that’s vague (how do you define “system?” How do you define “back and forth”?)and I’ve seen a ton of “what is a game” arguments that have gone down incredibly unproductive rabbit holes super quickly. I don’t expect my definition to be particularly helpful or useful to anyone else, but it’s what I’ve settled on for the time being, and leave perpetually open to changing around whenever it makes sense to.
Similarly, I’m cool with you seeing it however you wanna see it, even if I disagree. The point of making the thing was to make a cohesive piece of media first, classifying it wasn’t anywhere near important. I try and take an attitude of coming up with the thing that I want to say or explore or whatever first, then figure out what medium would suit it best the way I want to do it. I try not to go “I’m gonna make a game about X!” if X doesn’t take advantage of the format or if it feels like I’m making it a game just because. I don’t like doing anything in my creative output that isn’t incredibly deliberate (and usually really overthought [which is a thing I’m working on])
this is because I kept joking about being steve gaynor on twitter isn’t it
I’m working on an FMV game in 2014.
Of course the answer is “nah”.
For the time that Depression Quest was released on Feb 14th, 2013 until August 11th of this year, our website was stating that a portion of the proceeds of the pay-what-you-want version would go to iFred. We have donated at least $698 to iFred, though I know a number of folks have been donating on our behalf which is super cool, especially since a free game doesn’t really make a ton of money. I’ve spoken with them to clear up confusion with routes of donation, and they are happy to confirm that this has been the case. I did mess up and not let them know about this ahead of time though - whoops! Lesson learned: if you’re gonna do a thing to support a charity, it’s polite to send them a letter first.
On August 11th to coincide with the Steam release, we switched charities to go to the National Suicide Lifeline to spread the love around (and partially because I had gone through some dark times and they’ve helped me out before. Oh no! Bias!). The Steam version is 100% free with no links to external places to pay for the game, but since the itch.io build was released at the same time, I’ve been mixing the contributions with some of my own cash from my Patreon and been able to give a total of $971 dollars to date, totaling half of the gross sales of that version so far :D I’m really happy about this, and glad that y’all have been so supportive of a risky and non-traditional game.
Just to try and make up for the stress the #gamergate folks have placed on the wonderful people who work for these organizations, I’d like to state that 100% of the proceeds of Depression Quest in the next 24 hours will go 50% to iFred, 50% to the National Suicide Lifeline. If you’ve already bought the game or just want to donate, I strongly suggest you making a contribution on your own behalf. And yes, I will be posting those metrics too. Gladly.
I’ve said my piece about my personal life and that holds true. I have zero interest in ever discussing my sex or love life publicly on other people’s terms. If you want answers about the particulars of a game developer’s private romantic entanglements, please ask yourself why you feel entitled to such a thing. As far as I’m concerned, the only people who have any business in knowing these things are the people they actually effect - and my current partner is aware.
Professionally, I feel like there are some things I can easily address though, now that things have begun to calm down.
Regarding the claim that I have exchanged sex for positive reviews. This has been investigated and debunked, and oh right, the review in question doesn’t even exist. Anything else written by Nathan in 2014, before we started dating, in which I am vaguely, tangentially mentioned at all has been the same tone and coverage as everyone else who covered it. There is no corruption issue here - if there was, you’d think there’d be some talk of massive AAA companies flying out and wining and dining games journalists rather than discussion of Phil Fish’s relationships. (warning: all of these links are screenshots and there’s a small sampling of the smorgasbord of fucked up shit in them) It’s almost like this whole scandal only blew up for reasons other than "corruption".
Regarding the claim that I doxxed and destroyed The Fine Young Capitalists, that is also incorrect. You can read that here in their own words. I know that when things kick up online it can be hard to sort out who did what, but aside from their own statement, there is zero evidence of this. What I did do was be critical of some of their policies on twitter, because as someone who has taught women game design and created programs to help them get started making their first games I get really passionate about this stuff. We have different approaches but share the same wish to get women involved with game development, and I wish them the best of luck in accomplishing that. Rebel Jam is not one of these programs and was totally unrelated to anything having to do with TFYC and came as a reaction to everything that was wrong about Game_Jam - but I will have some really exciting things to announce soon about it that I’ve been holding in for a while until paperwork clears and red tape is cut. Stay tuned.
Regarding the claim that I am the head of a massive conspiracy that is able to censor and shut down all major games press sites, 4chan, reddit, and god knows what else, I WISH that was true. God how cool would that be? A shadowy overlord of the internet, who is also kind of a cyborg? Shit that would be a good story. But that’s all it is - a story. Occam’s razor is still a thing. What is more likely, the pulp story of a lone woman manipulating the entire internet or that maybe, JUST MAYBE, other people can recognize this for the TMZ style bullshit it really is?
If you have any further concerns about what I stand for or if my role in the industry has been one for the betterment of other people, despite releasing a game pushing back against the stigma of mental illness for free on the biggest digital distribution platform, creating guides and programs to make game development more accessible to people of traditionally discouraged backgrounds, standing up for the image of future of indie games even at risk of getting sued back into the stone age, fighting for a better games culture where developers don’t have to fear consumers, experimenting with new formats of distributing free games, helping organize queer-friendly game jams; then I encourage you to watch me in the coming months. I am going to continue trying to break down barriers and disrupt the culture that enabled the abuse I’ve endured from the last two weeks from ever happening to anyone ever again. No more Phil Fishes. No more Anita Sarkeesians. No more Zoe Quinns. No more of the less known, less extreme cases where we don’t even notice or hear the voices disappearing. No more developers living in fear, afraid to speak their minds, afraid to be people, wondering when they might be next. This has always been my MO, this will continue to be so. I am going to keep doing what I do, I’m going to keep being a human with all the flaws and moments of brilliance that come with that, and hopefully I can work towards these goals with some level of effectiveness.
Time to get back to work. I love you all.
Ok, let’s try this again.
This has nothing to do with games and is not a matter of legitimate public interest, but is simply a personal matter. I would hope and request that the games press be respectful of what IS a personal matter, and not news, and not about games. This is explicitly about my private life, which has been regrettably forced into the public and framed by people who pose a threat to my safety and well being as well as that of the people I love. I would hope that the effort people have gone through to dress it up as anything more would not be enough to have those who see it for what it is take the bait.
I am not going to link to, or address anything having to do with the validity of the specific claims made by an angry ex-boyfriend with an axe to grind and a desire to use 4chan as his own personal army. This is not a “she-said” to his “he-said”. The idea that I am required to debunk a manifesto of my sexual past written by an openly malicious ex-boyfriend in order to continue participating in this industry is horrifying, and I won’t do it. It’s a personal matter that never should have been made public, and I don’t want to delve into personal shit, mine or anyone else’s, while saying that people’s love and sex lives are no one’s business. I’m not going to talk about it. I will never talk about it. It is not your goddamned business.
What I *am* going to say is that the proliferation of nude pictures of me, death threats, vandalization, doxxing of my trans friends for having the audacity to converse with me publicly, harassment of friends and family and my friends’ family in addition to TOTALLY UNRELATED PEOPLE, sending my home address around, rape threats, memes about me being a whore, pressures to kill myself, slurs of every variety, fucking debates over what my genitals smell like, vultures trying to make money off of youtube videos about it, all of these things are inexcusable and will continue to happen to women until this culture changes. I’m certainly not the first. I wish I could be the last.
Because I’ve had a small degree of success in a specific subculture, every aspect of my life is suddenly a matter of public concern. Suddenly it’s acceptable to share pictures of my breasts on social media to threaten and punish me. Suddenly I don’t have any right to privacy or basic dignity. Suddenly I don’t get to live out normal parts of life, like going through a bad and ugly breakup in private. I have forfeited this by being a blip in a small community, while those who delight in assailing me hide behind their keyboards and a culture that permits it, beyond reproach.
My life and my body are not public property. No one’s life and body are public property.
Sexuality is one of the most personal, hurtful, and easy things to demonize a woman over, and also has nothing to do with my games. Yet large swaths of the gaming community are either unable or unwilling to separate the two. I’m convinced that my ex chose 4chan as the staging ground for his campaign of harassment and character assassination because he knew this; he knew that someone claiming to be “from the Internet” has shown up at my house once already, and he is counting on the most reviled hubs of our community to live up to their sordid reputations. This is another example of gendered violence, whereby my personal life becomes a means to punish my professional credentials and to try to shame me into giving up my work. I’m still committed to doing my small part to create a world where no woman is at risk of experiencing this. That said, I am thankful that even boards with a reputation for being the most hostile places online have been able to tell the intent behind these threads and banned them outright, seeing the hate speech for what it is, and not-news for what it is.
As much as those leading the charge against me will do mental backflips to make posting pictures of my tits about “ethics”, the real agenda is plain as day if you give it even a moment of sincere critical thought. No one who would terrorize someone and the totally uninvolved people they love in this way on such a massive and public scale could ever honestly claim to be interested in “ethics” of any kind. These kinds of accusations have been levied against any woman of status in any industry, ever. I have been judged because, if you are a woman, you are expected to constantly “prove” yourself, and even mere accusations can somehow undo all the good you’ve done and justify any measure of depraved brutality against you. Meanwhile, I see major support thrown the way of my male colleagues when they are accused of any sort of wrongdoing. Neither of these attitudes is correct, and they are patently unfair and reductive. Nobody exists in a vacuum, and anyone can change and grow into a better person. Heroes and villains don’t exist - just regular boring-ass people with scars and fuckups and moments of brilliance. And every single boring-ass person deserves the space to keep personal matters private and handled outside the shark tank of anonymous internet boards.
Once again, I will not be addressing the specific validity of any statements about my private life. If you have good-faith questions or doubts, I am more than happy to discuss private matters in private, where they belong. But I refuse to be coerced into making my private life or anyone’s private life a matter of public record, and I refuse to be continually emotionally terrorized by people who have long decided to hate me regardless.
I’m looking forward to moving on and getting back to work. To anyone else who has had to deal with this kind of indignity on any scale, you have my undying support and my ear if you ever want to talk to someone who might understand. To the people who support my work and can see this crusade for what it is, thank you from the bottom of my heart. To those people, I love you, I always have, and I always will.